Motion Control

We're pretty tired right now so this might not be the most focused post, but after watching the entirety of Microsoft's event at E3, the cringe-inducing awkward ants are crawling all over my skin. Some of the worst offenders:

Grand Theft Auto IV Review

Is there any medium more ripe for watchdog scandals than video games? Movies are protected by a culturally-accepted rating system that is generally trusted to keep the more impressionable from consuming the darker stuff. Books, notwithstanding the recent uproar over The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure, seem to be past their scandal-causing prime of the Enlightenment. Even music, which as recently as twenty five years ago was knitting Tipper's panties into a knot, seems to have been accepted by the permed-soccer-mom mafia.

Fable II Review

Fable II enjoyed many perks that it's predecessor did not. The expectations had been managed by the muzzle Microsoft had finally strapped to Molyneux, the Xbox 360 had the power to deliver more of the dream that got everyone so amped for Fable I, and it was a sequel. A guaranteed solid performance was all but in the bag. The reviews would be positive, the money would be ample, and the fan-base would be satisfied. A year and a half later and it looks like it all worked out for Lionhead and co. Fable II is the best-selling RPG on the Xbox 360, weighing in at around $3.5m in sales. Critics were generally positive, aggregating for an 89% positive ranking on the MetaCritic scales. And, despite a few bugs early on, the fan base seems fairly happy.

RPG's of old were weighed partially on how they excited the player's imagination. Without the power of modern technology to realize sweeping vistas and fantastical creatures, there was an art to suggestion. Those unreachable mountains, those unbeatable creatures...the best RPG experiences knew how to draw you into their worlds without the polygons to actually put you there. The loss of that sense of wonder is one of the main criticisms the old school has against the new. It is to the credit of Lionhead Studios that they are able to still evoke the player's imagination in much the same way, despite being firmly of the new school.

Such potential

STORY: 4/5
Fable II's story is Horatio Alger set in Albion. You start off as a homeless child and eventually grow to be the greatest hero in the land. Along the way you free some slaves, befriend some locals, and, should you choose, find a spouse and settle down. Most of the story ranges from uninteresting to downright laughable due to the enormous brush it's painted with. The main villain is slightly deeper than the rest of the cast but, for the most part, it's a forgettable yarn.

Despite touting a good-evil morality system, most of your choices are inconsequential unless you are deeply concerned with your avatar's appearance. Bold claims to the contrary notwithstanding, little of what you do has a lasting effect on your world. And the actions that do effect real change don't feel connected to their outcomes. (I love the idea of the butterfly effect as much as the next guy but the result of my youthful actions in Bowerstone didn't resonate when I returned a man. And if a game fails at giving you meaningful feedback on your actions, revolutionary game design doesn't matter.)

Didn't I see you in the last town I was in?

Another example of the skin deep story is in the NPC's that surround you. It is ironic that so much work and hype have gone into the NPC AI because the villages don't feel populated in the slightest. Sure the denizens might react (relatively) believably to my actions but what does that matter if they are un-differentiable? What does it matter if I don't believe in them as characters? They become another transparent feedback gimmick that reflects how I'm playing the game. They might as well be the flies that circle my evil character or the halo that adorns my pure one.

But, despite the aforementioned problems with the story and world, Fable II still manages to evoke serious wonder with its surroundings. The game's linearity combined with it's impressive art direction creates vista after haunting vista that draws you into the world. And their inaccessibility captivates you in much the same way as the inaccessible beauty of RPGs of old. Every region is a narrative unto itself with an attention to detail that hints at a story far more interesting than the ham-fisted yarn you're forced to play through. The table is set for the world of Albion but, thus far, no decent food has been prepared by the chefs at Lionhead.

Pretty, yes. But she's a bitch to steer.

GAMEPLAY: 3/5
As with the story, the gameplay of Fable II is a mixed bag. When it shines it shines bright but good gameplay is the exception rather than the rule. With unresponsive controls, a headache of a shooting mechanic, and uninspiring puzzles, the only truly fun part of controlling Fable II is in hacking and slashing (and magicking). There's a good sense of weight to your blows and alternating between swordplay and fireballs is svelte. Walloping someone with an ax feels different and fresh compared to slicing and dicing with a one-handed saber. And stringing together a few fine cuts with a force push never gets old.

But everything else (and I mean everything else) feels wrong. Your character steers like a truck, button inputs across the board have a noticeable lag between your press and the action, and the game world jitters. And don't even try to negotiate those menus. They stutter and freeze and hesitate to load. In fact, the whole game seems like an asthma attack, constantly gasping to keep up.

It oozes all the right things. (Style, atmosphere and beauty you pervs!)

CONCLUSION: 7/10
Like it's predecessor, Fable II tantalizes us with what could have been. Project Ego's hype continues to elude Molyneux and Lionhead, despite their most valiant efforts to deliver. While more of Project Ego's ideas are present in Fable II, the game feels like it's barely hanging together. It's a distracting, fourth-wall breaking problem that even the inspired art direction can't overcome. Add to the glitches the soulless NPCs and uninspired story and you've got a downright bad game. But there is magic here and the combat is enough to keep you entertained. One of these days the dream will be realized and Fable (III? IV? V?) will be as originally touted back in 2003: the best game ever. Until that day comes, it seems we'll happily shell out money for these bastard children of the dream.

Mass Effect Review

For a description of the BofHam review system, please click here.

What can be written about the original Mass Effect that hasn't been stated elsewhere already? The engine isn't quite up to the aspirations of its developers, the interactive dialogue is a revolution for the RPG genre, the gameplay is addicting, and the story strong. By all accounts, Mass Effect 2 has remedied the short-comings of the original and improved on its strengths. Bag of Hammers will give Mass Effect 2 its review in due course, once the hype and flash have settled with time. For ME1 however, that time is now.


Saren: cooler than Darth Maul?

STORY: 5/5
Mass Effect has a great story, crammed with the attention to detail that signifies a true labor of love. The story makes sense, the characters' motivations are believable, and there is a genuine sense of gravitas to the epic presentation. Saren is a wonderful villain, oozing steely resolve instead of maniacal evil. The crew members of the Normandy are nuanced and so convincingly voiced that even the most two-dimensional of them overcome their archetypes. Granted, the romantic subplots are more about getting frisky than true emotional resonance but, given the consumer demographics, it's hard to fault Bioware with knowing their audience. (They even poke fun at this with some meta-dialogue delivered by Ashley on Noveria.)

She's not going to get pissed if you call her pointless.

While much has been made of the interactive dialogue system, multiple play-throughs suggest that its impact on the game is far more limited than the well-crafted dialogue trees would lead you to believe. (The scenes where dialogue can actually affect outcomes beyond your renegade/paragon alignment are amazing and hint at the future of the role playing genre.) But even without the weight of Wrex's life (or Shepard's sex life) hanging in the balance, the smooth flow of the branching dialogue helps you identify with your Shepard and get sucked even further into the narrative.

GAMEPLAY: 4/5
The backbone of ME's gameplay hinges on a stop-and-pop style of third-person shooter which it happily nails. It is easy to control, smooth to execute, and totally addicting. I'm reminded of Bungie's famous '30 seconds of fun' mantra when playing ME for they have nailed the core mechanic and are content with looping it ad nauseum to move you through the story. The enemy AI is strong, making for some truly harrowing firefights on the higher difficulty levels. And there is surprisingly deep strategy in this shooter gameplay. You can direct your squadmates to flank enemies, you can strategize on the right gun for the engagement, and you need to understand which biotic or tech powers are needed to dispatch the threat quickly and efficiently. None of the enemies in ME are push-overs and yet none are unbeatable. Recognizing and executing the best strategy to take down a ten foot tall Geth Prime or a Krogan Warloard is an incredibly rewarding experience.

But there is another part of the ME gameplay experience which falls short of excellence. The Mako vehicle is so close to being right that it makes its failure all the more bitter. On flat surfaces or ones with minor bumps, the Mako feels true. It animates with a beautiful sense of realism and weight with flawlessly synchronized sound effects. Firing its weapons is smooth and easy to control and, in the rare instance where your environment allows, you really feel like you're controlling a nimble but powerful piece of machinery. But once the Mako gets on more rugged terrain, the entire experience falls apart. Driving in a straight line becomes almost impossible and aiming an unhappy chore. And don't even get me started on trying to access those mineral deposits located way up on some craggy rock face.

Close but no cigar.

I can understand the trade-off Bioware dealt with when deciding to include the Mako in Mass Effect. Wide-open planets to explore certainly add to the immensity of ME's galaxy. (Some of these planets are hauntingly beautiful.) And adding variety to the addicting but repetitive stop-and-pop is certainly a wise move. But the more serious you get in exploring these worlds, the more frustrating the gameplay becomes and the less inclined you are to find every last collectible in the galaxy. Ultimately, the inclusion of these segments winds up marring the otherwise wonderful gameplay experience.

CONCLUSION: 9/10
Mass Effect is a great game. It jumps headlong into the dorkiest end of the pool (science fiction videogames) and winds up telling a powerful story with surprisingly deep characters. Aside from some Mako trouble, it controls like a dream and boasts some genuine strategy below its 3rd person shooter exterior. It is a must-play for any RPG fan, sci fi fan, or blue alien babe fan.